Kindling The Fire
So, you’re infatuated again. Your whole world seems a little off-kilter. What’s more, it’s taken on that sweet, sappy, romantic glow. The one that signals love. The one that provides a new attitude. The one that makes you think that nothing is impossible. And of course, you want to keep it that way.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to fade. Its fragrance can surround you for the rest of your lives. But just like the rose, it needs some care. A bit of special tending to keep it healthy, alive, and blooming. Otherwise, it – like the rose - will simply shrivel and die. And at this point, that’s the last thing you want to see happen.
Fortunately, there is a simple solution. Just set aside one day each month. Then use it solely to tend your romance and nurture your love. Use it to enjoy each other. It isn’t much to ask – after all, it’s only twelve days a year - and the benefits reaped will far outweigh the effort.
It’s a great idea, but what if it isn’t plausible? What if you have children to tend? Or even worse, your schedule just won’t allow it?
If these problems apply to you, maybe a few minutes of remembrance are in order. Just go back to the time when finding the love of your life was all that mattered. Think about all the trouble you endured to find it. Remember how you planned and created. How you conjured and won. And now that you’ve gotten exactly what you dreamed of – the only thing in life that ever truly mattered to you – stop and ask yourself this question. Are you willing to simply let it slip through your fingers permanently and irrevocably? I don’t think so. And deep down inside, neither do you.
Tending to children is the easy part. Just pick up the phone and call a babysitter. If that’s not an option, arrange a sleep-over for them with friends with a promise to reciprocate later. Don’t worry that they’ll resent it, or that you’re a bad parent. They’ll have such a good time, they won’t want to come home. And you have the rest of the year – all three hundred and fifty-three days of it – to be a responsible parent. In this case, everyone wins.
Handling scheduling problems may take a little more effort, but even this can be sorted through by way of a wall calendar. Just add your agendas to the appropriate days, and check to see when you’re both available. Circle the day in red and refuse to let anything interfere – especially guilt complexes tossed in by tenacious friends or employers. Simply say that you have a previous engagement and let it go at that. Then arrange another day to meet their needs.
When the scheduled day arrives, you’ll want to make sure that nothing interferes with your privacy. And the last thing you’ll want to worry about is cooking dinner. With that in mind, take a little initiative. Call your favorite restaurant and arrange to pick up some take-out in advance. Failing that, prepare a meal the night before. You can always nuke it later, and won’t have to worry about the clean-up.
If children are involved, tell their temporary care-givers that they won’t be able to reach you by phone until the next day. Then offer a notarized note giving them the power to make surgical decisions for your kids should they be necessary. (Don’t worry. Nothing will happen. It’s just the responsible way to cover all bases.) Then unplug the phone or turn down the volume on the answering machine. The whole idea, after all, is to spend some time enjoying each other, and whomever is calling can wait.
That being the case, you’ll also want to keep neighbors and friends at bay – especially if they’re the type who drop in at a moment’s notice. Of course, you could always refuse to answer the door. But a better plan involves a preventative measure. Just leave a note on the door to shoo folks away. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Simply explain that you love them, but this is your time – time that you intend to spend together, devoid of all interruptions. (If your friends are the persistent type, you may want to add “Go away. This means you.”)
With all of that taken care of, there’s nothing left for you to do but enjoy each other. Snuggle. Cuddle. Revel in the glowing warmth of love and romance. And if you’re ready to turn up the heat a bit, read on. You’ll find ways to take each other to new heights – heights you’ve never before experienced – heights where only the voracious flames of passion have nerve enough to dance wild, free, and strong.
Fanning The Flames
While you probably already know how to dress to heighten the initial stages of attraction, something else is in order when you reach this stage of the romantic game. Something sexy. Something spicy. Something even a little bit naughty. And that, of course, has to do with knowing exactly how to undress for love.
Undressing for love is important because it provides the spark that keeps relationships going despite all outside annoyances and aggravations. It kindles the fire. It warms the heart. But above all, it brews the fondest memories life has to offer. And it’s those memories that are truly important. Without them, we wouldn’t find any reason to go to work every day. Or scrub the toilet. Or cook a meal. Without them, there simply wouldn’t be any impetus to keep going home to the same person day after day. Because of them, though, we can manage anything that life dishes out. Simply put, they give us hope.
Unfortunately, there is no instant formula for undressing. In fact, it’s solely dependent on what pushes your mate’s sexual buttons. For some folks, it’s garter belts and fishnet stockings. For others, it’s silk boxers or thongs. It’s a simple matter of what, in effect, turns him or her on. And if you’ve been doing your homework, you should already have this information.
But what if you don’t? What if you’ve somehow managed to keep the relationship going without having the slightest clue? Not to worry. There are lots ways to nab this information. And unless you’re willing to just come right out and ask – which is doubtful, since you haven’t already – give some thought to the sort of lover you’re living with [visually-oriented, audio-oriented, or emotionally driven], and gear your plans specifically to his or her type. The tips below will get you started.
$1· Lovers of Sight: Since these mates absolutely revel in naughty visuals, you’ll want to don the steamiest lingerie possible. Leather and lace are good bets as are garter belts and thongs. (Don’t smirk, guys. Thongs on men can be extremely titillating, too!) Don’t have a lingerie shop or adult bookstore in your neighborhood? Not to worry. Just go the mail order route or make your purchases over the internet. Then toss a romantic movie into the vcr – or really turn up the heat with a triple x video. Your mate will be salivating before you know it!
$1· Lovers of Sound: Modes of undress can be a bit trickier with these mates, because they don’t always respond to the things that our society normally promotes as sexy. That being the case, it’s a good idea to turn off the phone and set the mood with some provocative music. Whatever you like is fine, as long as the beat and the lyrics are hot and stimulating. Once your mate’s in the mood, top things off with a little pillow talk. If you’re the shy type, start out slowly and become more graphic as you get the hang of it. And remember: Always use his or her name while you’re talking. You may not even make it to the bedroom!
$1· Lovers of Emotion: When it comes to pleasing these mates, it’s hard to beat the tactile sensuality of silk or satin gowns, pajamas, and bedding. But since lovers of emotion also love the feel of smooth skin, don’t skimp on the body lotion. Undress each other slowly and deliberately while caressing any newly exposed skin. Then hold each other and dance naked in your living room to slow, romantic music. Afterward, lead your partner to the bedroom – and the bed that you’ve so sumptuously strewn with rose petals. It’s guaranteed to be a night that you’ll never forget!
While the tips above apply to specific types of mates, there are literally tons of other ideas that appeal to all lovers. Used in combination, they can leave your partner weak in the knees, quivering with delight, and of course, begging for more. In fact, they can do more for your relationship than all the “I love you’s” in the world. For your convenience, some of the most effective are listed below. But don’t stop there. Engage your imagination. Act on your fantasies. You may just come up with something so hot, so sexy, and so erotically tantalizing that it will rekindle the fires of your love into a steamy dance of flaming passion – the likes of which you’ve never before experienced.
$1· Draw your love a bath. Not just any bath, mind you, but a royal one. Include bath oil or salts in a sensuous scent, and scatter the surface of the water with rose petals. Place an array of candles on the bathroom counter, add some incense, and place a glass of wine within reaching distance from the tub. Light the candles and incense and turn out the lights. Then lead your love into the bathroom, and slowly undress him or her. Bathe your partner with loving caresses, and dry with a large, fluffy towel before leading the way to bed. (For extra luxury, warm the towel in the dryer first.)
$1· Dance for your love. There is nothing more sensual than the erotic dance, especially when it’s being performed specifically for you by someone you adore. Start out by donning an oversized shirt and putting on some sultry, sexy music. Then move your hips and dance, using the shirt tails as a flirting device. Flip them up. Flip them down. Keeping your eyes locked on your love, unfasten the shirt one button at a time, slowly and deliberately. Move in such a way that your partner knows that he or she arouses you like no other person on the planet – and that the only thing on your mind is the pleasure that’s bound to follow.
$1· Make love somewhere other than the bedroom. Since there’s something forbidden about sex in other rooms, this can prove to be very arousing. Try the living room, the dining room, the hall, or the kitchen. If you’re feeling especially daring – and tend to fantasize about being “caught” - quickies in an elevator, a storage room, or an airplane bathroom can be exhilarating, too.
$1· Make love in the middle of the day. Somewhere along the line, we get the idea that the pleasures of love-making should always be reserved for the shadowy darkness of the night. Nothing, however, is further from the truth – and if you subscribe to that fallacy, you’re really missing out. Once you enjoy the sensual pleasures of bare skin exposed to daylight, you may never again have sex in the dark!
$1· Rent a hotel room. This can be especially exciting if you reserve the room without telling your mate. Just pack up whatever you’ll need for the night, then leave the room key for your mate with a note requesting his or her presence. Wait for your love in the room - dressed in nothing but a tie or a bow around your neck.
$1· Act out your fantasies. There’s nothing quite like fantasy play to pump up your sex life – or gain some insight into your partner. And since you trust your partner and know that he or she would never harm you, even the wildest fantasies are fair game. Absolutely anything can be simulated to perfection.
No matter how deeply two people love each other – or how infected with infatuation they may be – it sometimes happens that sex drives just don’t cooperate. One partner needs more. The other needs less. And when that’s the case, all sorts of problems can take shape. Insecurities surface. Tensions abound. Left untended, the least little thing – a look, a comment, or a simple tilt of the head – can birth a monster so fiercely powerful, that even the Fairy Godmother, herself, couldn’t whisk it away.
Fortunately, this monster doesn’t have to destroy your lives. In fact, he doesn’t even have to be born. You can stop him in his tracks before he draws his first breath. All it takes is a healthy dose of understanding and some strong, open lines of communication. It’s an easy enough solution. And you don’t even have to be a Fairy Godperson to meet with success.
Sadly enough, though, most folks simply refuse to talk about this sort of thing. It’s embarrassing to them. They don’t want to push the envelope. They don’t want to put their partner on the defensive. But most of all, they don’t want to cause hurt feelings. So instead, they just sit there, silent and reclusive. Worrying and wondering. Breeding scores of personal insecurities that they could do well without.
Since most couples in love don’t have a problem with understanding, though, we’ll start with that. There are literally dozens of reasons why your partner’s sex drive may not meet yours. Mental exhaustion or physical exertion can be key factors – especially if not balanced with an equal amount of good old-fashioned relaxation. Daily worries or performance anxieties – even if unfounded – could come into play. It might even be something as simple as a side-effect from prescription medications or cough syrup. At any rate, you need to understand that you’re probably not at all responsible for the problem. And that more than likely, it’s something so minute, so inconspicuous, and so trivial, that you never even gave it a second thought.
Then – no matter how much you hate it – gently bring it up for discussion. Your partner won’t shy away if you initiate the conversation lovingly. In fact, he or she will embrace the opportunity to discuss things if given half a chance. It’s just a matter of having the courage to open the door. So, go ahead. Take the first step. You’ll both feel better for it.
Because these are sensitive issues to everyone concerned, they often require special handling. For that reason, you’ll find suggestions below for dealing with some of the most common problems. Just remember to tender them all with patience and understanding, and things will be back to normal before you know it.
$1· Exhaustion: This is, undoubtedly, the most common cause of low libido and sexual dysfunction. Fortunately, it’s also the easiest to cure. The answer? Rest, relaxation, and lots of sleep. Just give your partner a few days and see what happens. With sufficient rest, he or she won’t be able to leave you alone.
$1· Previously undisclosed feelings and emotions: These sorts of issues usually stem from the formation of emotional buttons and related fears. The best way to handle this is to stay calm, supportive, and attentive. Allow your partner to voice all insecurities, then remind him or her that this is a new day. That all those concerns are yesterday’s news. And that from this day forward, you’ll do everything in your power to keep them at bay. Mean it and take steps toward allaying any further fears.
$1· Unmet sexual needs: Sometimes, people crave something sexually that they don’t have the nerve to request. Why? Because they’re afraid that their partner will think there’s something wrong with them. In this case, just lay any fears to rest, and find out what it is. Chances are, it’s no big deal - and you’ll be more than willing to comply. If, however, you find the request distasteful, see what you can do about striking a compromise. A little effort in this direction can rectify things immediately.
$1· Performance anxiety: Even when couples have been together for a while, performance anxieties can resurface. This is nobody’s fault. It’s just a strange phenomenon that occasionally occurs. If that’s the case, simply remove any undue pressures to perform. Let your partner know that you enjoy snuggling and cuddling immensely, and that not every close encounter needs to result in sex.
$1· No clue: It’s also possible that your partner doesn’t have any idea why his or her sex drive isn’t behaving properly. If that’s the case, don’t worry. Just make an appointment for your partner to see the doctor. It could be that a current prescription or over-the-counter medication is the culprit. It could also be that he or she is a candidate for one of the many safe sexual enhancement drugs currently on the market.
Fires Of Desire Spell
Once you’ve brought things out into the open and discussed them at length, you’ll both feel better. Tensions will dissipate. Your life – along with that wonderful, hot, passionate lovemaking – will quickly resume. But don’t stop there. Use the following spell as a safeguard. It’s guaranteed to keep this sort of thing from happening again – and provides an insurance policy you’ll want to keep on hand.
1 small potted cyclamen plant (Substitute a rosemary or parsley
plant if you like)
1 plant saucer to fit the size of the pot
1 small relationship crystal (Substitute a piece of carnelian or
sunstone if you like)
2 fertilizer sticks
1 permanent marking pen
1 red candle
A pen or pencil
Begin by gathering your materials on a Sunday, Thursday, or Friday during the Waxing Moon. Then using the pen or pencil, inscribe the candle with a circle. Draw a cross at the very top of the circle boundary so that the vertical line touches the inscribed curvature. Draw an arrow in the same way at the bottom of the circle. Light the candle and say:
By sign of male and female each
This flame shall bring within our reach
A love with hot and lusty sex
In which the two of us shall flex
Entwined together – just we two
By flame, Desire, I conjure you
Using the permanent marking pen, draw the same symbol on the front of the plant’s pot, saying:
By signs of woman and of male
I enchant this living plant and pail
And as it grows, so will our lust
For each other as it must
Until libidos step in time
And join together in the rhyme
Of sex and love and fantasy
As I will, so mote it be
Holding the two fertilizer sticks together as one, plunge them into the soil. Set the plant into the saucer and fill it with water. Leave the pot in front of the candle until the wick burns out.
Put the plant in the bedroom in a sunny spot, saying:
Little plant so filled with lust
Do now what you know you must
Fan the flames and bright the fire
Of hottest sex and true desire
Bring back the passion we once knew
Do now what I ask of you
Fill the saucer with water whenever the soil is dry to the touch.
* * * * *
Grapevine Lust Charm
As long as you’re performing lust magic, it’s a good idea to make this charm. Hung on the bedroom wall or over the bed, it acts as an ongoing booster to keep sex drives on an even keel. Just make it on the same day you perform the spell, and you’ll be well on the way to sensual delight!
1 round grapevine wreath in your choice of size (readily
available at arts and crafts stores)
1 box whole cloves (readily available at the supermarket)
6 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. Ginger
Red fabric (cotton velveteen, satin, or calico prints are good
1 yd. red ribbon
Needle and thread
Pen or Pencil
Red silk flowers (optional)
Start by drawing a heart on the paper. (You’ll want this to be a bit smaller than the inner circumference of the wreath.) Cut out the heart, then fold the fabric in half, right sides together. Pin the heart on top of the fabric and cut it out. Starting at the point of the heart on the left-hand side, stitch the figure together leaving an opening on the lower right-hand side. Turn the heart inside out and press.
Fill the inner edges of the heart with fiberfill. Draw the figure described in the Fires of Desire spell on a small piece of paper, and write your names in the circle. Fold it in half and insert it into the heart saying:
Entwined we are, thee and me
For as long as we shall want to be
Entwined in lust, entwined in love
Entwined as Moon and Sky above
Then add the cloves, saying:
Little cloves of sex and lust
Manifest in both of us
Rawest sensual desire
Kindle now this lusty fire
Add the cinnamon, saying:
Spicy herb of loving care
Tender now this lusty fare
So that we are true in love
Like Sun and Moon which shine above
Finally, add the ginger, saying:
Ginger of the spicy fire
Add your flame to our desire
Make it grow and make it strong
So it lasts our whole love long
Finish filling the heart with fiberfill, then slipstitch the opening shut. Fold the ribbon in half and sew the fold to the upper back of the heart. Tie the heart to the top of the wreath so that it swings freely in the inner perimeter. Decorate the wreath with flowers if you like.
When the wreath is to your liking, hang it on the wall or over the bed and say:
Protect our lust – protect our love
Protect our romance from above
Do now what I ask of thee
As I will, so mote it be
* * * *
But what if you’re still not sure about any of this? There’s nothing worse, after all, than going to tons of trouble if you’ve got that niggling feeling that your efforts may not work. Undoubtedly, it’s a place that no one wants to go. If that’s the case with you, help is on the way. Just whip of some of the magical goodies below. They’re guaranteed to whisk away your inhibitions as well as your partner’s.
Lusty Sheet Scent
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. ginger
1 drop vanilla oil
2 drops musk oil
1 clean sock
Place the first four ingredients inside the sock and knot the end securely to provide a pouch. Toss it in the dryer with your bedding and chant:
Herbs and oils, increase desire
Bring sexual tension hot as fire
So when these sheets are back to bed
No other thoughts run through the head
Place the dried, scented sheets on the bed. The results will amaze you!
* * * **
Flames of Desire Incense
8 dried red rose buds
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. allspice
1/2 tsp. ginger
1/4 tsp. chili powder
Place all ingredients in the blender, and mix on high for a minute or two to reduce the mixture to powder. Empty into a jar, then holding the container in both hands, enchant it by saying something like:
Spice of love, like burning fire
Kindle in us hot desire
‘Til we are one instead of two
Do now what I ask of you
Burn the mixture on a charcoal block or simmer it in an electric potpourri pot where ever you plan to make love.
* * * * *
Edible Lust Lotion
1 oz. melted cocoa butter
1 Tbsp. coconut oil
1/4 c. corn syrup
1/2 tsp. flavoring extract of your choice [optional]
Combine the ingredients using a blender at high speed for a few minutes while chanting something like:
For hottest sex and yummy taste
You powers are forever laced
Together to complete this task
I conjure you to what I ask
Apply this lotion where ever you think it might taste good. Use your imagination.
* * * * *
All Night Long Massage Oil
1 oz. almond, jojoba, or grape seed oil
1 drop cinnamon oil
2 drops vanilla oil
2 drops musk oil
1 pinch amber
Combine the ingredients and swirl to blend. During the blending process, chant:
All night long is what I ask
Combine and blend to suit the task
Fears be gone, so stamina rules
Become a lust-provoking tool
Massage your partner with the oil to release inhibitions and increase sexual stamina.
* * * *
Strict adherence to the guidelines above usually solves the problem. You find time to be together, time to enjoy each other, and time to rekindle that breathless feeling that brought the two of you together. However, there may come a day when the guidelines, themselves, seem to cause a problem. A time when it all just becomes too much effort. And that’s the time when most folks simply revert back to the old routine of rush and hurry. That’s no way to live. And it certainly doesn’t have to happen to you. All it takes is a firm decision to live your life, control where it goes, and reclaim your power. It’s not that hard – especially if you perform the spell below.
Take Back Our Lives Spell
1 purple candle
1 tsp. commanding incense [Alternatively, substitute 1/4 tsp. each powdered allspice,
cinnamon, clove, and patchouli]
On the Full to new Moon, gather the materials and head for the kitchen. Spread several sheets of newspaper on the counter and place the incense or spices on top. Anoint the candle with vegetable oil while visualizing the power you hold over your own life. Then roll the candle in the incense – take care to coat it well – and see yourself forcefully removing all the problems that usurp your time. Once they’re all gone, chant:
We hold the power and we have the strength
To take back our lives and control them at length
As wick and wax burns – as the flame dances bright
We take our command and our loads we make light
We cast off all problems that creep, net, and snare
As well as new duties that promise to tear
Us away from each other as this life we claim
We cast them all out with no guilt and no shame
And as we take this stance on reclaiming this life
This spell culminates in removing all strife
Let the candle burn completely down, then bury any wax remnants in the ground.
* * * * *
[Excerpted from Enchantments of the Heart by Dorothy Morrison; published 2002 by New Page Books, FranklinLakes, NJ]