When we need to make a change in our lives that involve another person, one of our go-to statements it “It’s not personal”.  We don’t want it to be personal, we don’t want to be the bad guy, we don’t want the other person to be the bad guy and more importantly, we don’t want drama.

So, how do we reconcile the need for this change with the hurt we are feeling?  How do we avoid hurting the other person, even if they hurt us first?


Not Personal Ask JackiLet’s break this down to some spiritual logic, and then look at the emotions.   If we look at the emotions first, we can get stuck in our righteousness and start to become vindictive – thus making it personal.  If we look at the spiritual machine and how our cogs are fitting together before we look at our emotional response then it’s not so personal (but it will always be a little personal).   

  1. Your needs and abilities may have changed

  2. Their needs and abilities may have changed

  3. You may realize that your needs have never been met

  4. You may realize your abilities can never meet the needs of the other person

Really, when you have to make a personnel change in your life it’s because your compatibilities are no longer in alignment or that your boundaries have run up against each other.   Don’t worry, this happens all the time.  Sometimes, in short term situations, we power though it and remember never to do that again.   Sometimes we compromise a little more than we are comfortable with, but again for a short time.   But when it is really a tough one that we HAVE to make a change over, that is when the choice becomes mandatory – Personal or not personal.

Depending on your personality and astrological sign you may have to fuss and whine and mentally gird your loins before you start the change and some people just breeze right through it.   If you haven’t figured out by now… I fuss, and then I get logical.  I check and recheck my reactions and am so concerned over not being fair that I forget to take care of my own needs first.  Once I feel validated and empowered in my decision, then I get logical; how have my needs changed, how has the other person’s needs changed, are we still compatible, have we got a boundary of mine or theirs, and finally, how do I mitigate this?

Then I light my candles.

I use Emotional Balance, Needed Change and Stability Blessed Herbal Candles as a combination to make sure I am in my own power, working from a place of balance and then have the clarity to make my decisions easily.   See – the only personal thing here is my own growth.   

Each and every difficult decision you make is another point on your evolutionary growth chart and we all know you are either evolving or dying…  I like to evolve.   When you understand how your relationship worked or didn’t work from a big picture level, the emotions are not as overwhelming and you can leave the moment of hurt, disappointment and fear of confrontation in the past.    When the big decisions have to be made there must be a past, present and future to your emotional responses or you will get stuck in repeating this drama over and over again.    

It’s not personal that the other person can no longer meet your needs – their interests, abilities, needs, and agenda have changed and honestly you did not make the cut of determining factors.   When that happens you have that same old choice; take it personally or understand that time marches on and everything changes.   Then you have the choice of your decision being about you needs or about the other person’s failure.   We all have a little righteous-ness within us to feed out need for vengeance; begin the punisher may feel good in the moment but creates regrets in the long run.

It’s not personal when you decide not to negotiate.  It’s ok to make up your mind once you have all the mitigating factors on file and then decide you are cutting and clearing the situation.

Remember that when you begin to take things personally it is usually about your own fears being triggered and never about the other person.